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Sticky-Sticky

"I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work." -Charles Manson & "otis" the Devil's Rejects

"Would you find it in your heart, to make this go away, and let rest in pieces." -Saliva

"Can't you see that your smothering me, holding too tightly, afraid to lose control, cause everything that you thought I would be, has fallen apart, right in front of you." - Linkin Park

"To live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffer." -DMX

Writer's Block: Bird by Bird

alone
no, birds make wonderful pets...

I had a bird named Stinker, he didn't mind being a pet. I had him so tame I'd leave him outside by himself for 30 minutes everyday as long as the weather was good. For that reason, that he could socialize with other birds. I didn't even clip his wings once since he came home from the pet shop. And when it was time for him to come in all I had to do was call his name and he'd fly right to me...it sounds unreal I know but anyone who knew Stinker would tell you the same.
"I'm Dying, I hope, you're dying too."
-Marilyn Manson

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."
-Edgar Allen Poe

Writer's Block: Resolved

alone
1. Get my weight back down to 100 lbs. (Even Better, down to 90 lbs)
2. Exercise more
3. Get my College Degree
4. Move back to Florida
5. Make amends with certain people.

1. Yes, at least back to 100.
2. Already Started, plan to increase...and yes..
3. Yep. Should be done in May, go me!!
4. Hopefully this summer, and yes, if I have it my way yes.
5. I hope..I'm trying, I truly am, but it's so hard to forgive when you've been hurt so bad.
"I'm Dying, I hope, you're dying too."
-Marilyn Manson

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."
-Edgar Allen Poe

Writer's Block: Last Call

alone
You are on a plane that's about to crash. You have time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call and what do you say?


my mom, I'd say, "I love you momma, tell dad I love him too."
"I'm Dying, I hope, you're dying too."
-Marilyn Manson

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."
-Edgar Allen Poe

Random Rant...

Jeff Hardy

Alright, I think it's time I let all of this out..

First off, I am so sick of being the "good Kid" , and not getting any respect from my grandparents for it. I am 21, I have an 11 p.m. curfew!! Come on, what do they think I'm 12 or something??!! But, I respect it, even as much as I hate it, I respect it...I find some guys who I am friends with, nothing more, just friends, they freak when I want to hang out with these guys they say, "well, we really don't know them Kay, and we don't want you to get hurt." I know I'm the baby, I know I am their only girl, but eventually....I HAVE TO GROW UP!!!!! I may have a job with disney world from May until January,which I am totally stoaked for...they don't want me to go, cause it's like a 16 hr drive from where I live, but I want to know what it's like to be in control of my own life, to be an ADULT I'm sick of being their little pookie...I want to be on my own....I'm ready to just give up....I was force fed this morning!!! They haven't done that since I was like 13, they f***ed it up!! I was doing good!!!  My fast was almost over!! Sometimes I just want to die! Can't they see how much I hate being me?! Can't they see the disgust in my eyes when I look in the mirror?! Can't they see this fat blob I'm trying to erase?! I'm ready to give in. Things were going so well, we were getting along fine, and poof, it's all gone...I'm tired of trying, I'm ready to let go....I don't want to live anymore....

Thanks for those who took the time to read and/or respond to my nonsense....sorry...

tears,
Nyx

"I'm Dying, I hope, you're dying too."
-Marilyn Manson

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."
-Edgar Allen Poe

Writer's Block: I'm Ashamed of...

alone
What are you ashamed of?
Me....

Sorry, but it's true....

I HATE me....
"I'm Dying, I hope, you're dying too."
-Marilyn Manson

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."
-Edgar Allen Poe

Writer's Block: Hard to Say I'm Sorry

alone
Is there anything you've done that you wish you'd apologized for, but didn't?
I was abused as a kid (and yes I know that is in no way a justifiable excuse), and I've got a bad temper. When my nephew Michael was about 6, he got me really mad and I slapped him across the face. I felt horrible, but i couldn't say ANYTHING. I felt like a total monster, I can't believe that I  did that. I now really wish I had appologized to him, I can't stand seeing anyone in pain. I never laid a hand on him before that, and never again after. I was 15 or 16, and now after, I attempt to take a step back when I'm angry and relax before trying to handle anybody. He's turning 10 this year, and has never said a word about it.  I still feel horrible about that...
"I'm Dying, I hope, you're dying too."
-Marilyn Manson

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."
-Edgar Allen Poe

So depressed/scared/worried/lonely/sad....

alone
Just don't really know what I feel right now. 

I'm REALLY depressed. Maybe I shouldn't be drinking tonight, I don't trust myself. The old Nyx is coming out. I don't like her, she scares me.

I don't want to go back to being that person that I used to be.

I'm so tired of trying. 

I just want to sleep for eternity, go into an eternal void. 

Or wake up and be someone else, waking up to see that this hell that I call a life was nothing but merely a bad dream. 

I wish I could be truly happy, "normal".

So tired, so angry, so sad.

I really want to die, I can't believe I just wrote that, but it's how I truly feel.

Don't know what to do. 

don't want to sleep, even though I am extremely tired right now. 

Just want to let go, I want to run away, change my identity and forget all about Kayleigh. 

Please don't let me let go...

Hold me ana, 

Tell me everything is okay,

Let me know you're here,

Tell me how strong I am...

Show me how disciplined I am.

I'm sick of being a nobody, not good enough to be a somebody. 

I'm such a stupid puppet...

Good night to all, I'm just saying what's on my mind....drunk and depressed, good combination huh?

I don't know, I really don't want to go to bed yet... and no this has nothing to do with my guy issues, I've felt like this for a while, it all just kind of exploded tonight...

Sorry for the rant...Thank you anyone who takes the time to read this nonsense.

-Nyx
"I'm Dying, I hope, you're dying too."
-Marilyn Manson

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."
-Edgar Allen Poe
alone
- I found this on a joke site.

February 3, 2008

Dear Ungrateful World;


Although everyone on Earth has failed to give me even half the accolades and adulation that should go with me, kay, being the 3rd coming of christ, I will still fulfill my destiny.

For you insolent pukes, I will shed my blood to once again open the gates of heaven. Because of me, you heathen beasts won't have to endure any locust, floods, toads or ATF non-incendiary devices.

Start erecting statues, knocking out opponents, singing songs, scoring touchdowns, hitting home runs, hiding colored eggs every year around the 3rd of February, and doing other shit for my glory because you fuckers owe me big.




Jesus Christ III
a.k.a. kayleigh


P.S. You fucking cremate me and I'm going poltergeist on your ass.

P.S.S. Not really meant to everyone here.

Tags:

"I'm Dying, I hope, you're dying too."
-Marilyn Manson

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."
-Edgar Allen Poe
alone
It's in two parts.

 



Thanks for reading, sorry so long. Comments and thoughts are welcome. Hugs to all.
-Nyx
"I'm Dying, I hope, you're dying too."
-Marilyn Manson

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."
-Edgar Allen Poe
alone
What do you want to be when you "grow up?"
 I never wanted to grow up.
"I'm Dying, I hope, you're dying too."
-Marilyn Manson

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."
-Edgar Allen Poe